I recently heard one of the best sermons on parenting I had every heard. Pastor Richard Hilton of Calvary Church, in Johnson City, Tennessee, was the deliverer of that message. I have placed the link to that sermon in this post, so that you can watch it and hear his comments. Move the slider to 20 minutes, where he gets into the common mistakes parents make. This sermon was the first in a series called A Father's Love. Though his charge was to fathers, it encompasses mothers as well.
Having been both a married mother and a single parent, I know that parenting has challenges. Too many parents want to be their children's friend. They want to find favor in their child's eyes. They lose sight of the fact that they are the parent, and that the child is under their protection. We have a responsibility to "Train up a child in the way he should go." With that, we must make decisions that won't be popular with our kids, but is in their best interest.
Pastor Richard shares his comments on the following subject in the video sermon, and I am sharing mine here.
Three Common Mistakes Parents Make
- Placing the parent/child relationship above the husband/wife relationship. This is a big one! In my observation, today's parents are very guilty of this. Mom and dad sleep with the kids and rarely with each other, or rarely in the bed without the kids, then they wonder why they don't feel close as a husband/wife anymore, or why all of a sudden one or the other wants a divorce. The children need to learn respect for the parent's bed and bedroom. They need to learn that some things are for mom and dad, and don't include them. My kids knew that they could get in bed with us in the morning, or for a bedtime or Bible story, or to watch Saturday morning TV, but otherwise, it was off-limits to them. Children have to learn to respect their parents privacy. In God's order of things, we love God first, our husbands second, and our children third. The kids are with you for a few short years. If you aren't nurturing your relationship with your spouse, you will wake up one day when the kids are gone and realize you are strangers. Make time for daddy!
- Placing the child as the center of attention. We are all proud of our children, as we should be, but when we continually make them the center of attention, they become self-centered. The tail begins to wag the dog, and the child learns from this that the world should revolve around them. It doesn't! Here is a quick quiz as to whether or not you are making your child the center of attention:
a. Your child's picture is your Facebook Profile picture.
b. You consistently ask your children to perform or repeat the cute things they have said.
c. You don't have a conversation with anyone that doesn't include something about your children.
d. You never go anywhere without them.
e. You rarely, if ever, have a date night with your spouse.
f. You look like Maxine, the cartoon character, while your child looks like a Gap model.
g. You assume everyone is interested in everything your child does and post daily, or hourly, pictures
of them doing it.
I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek, but you get the message.
3. Pushing children into mature roles too soon. Let your kids be kids. Children mature at different rates. Some look mature physically when they are still very immature emotionally or spiritually. They may be spiritually or emotionally mature, but not physically mature. Don't push your kids to date before they are ready. My daughters could go to church functions and be with boys in a group, but not alone or on a car date until they were 16. Yes, 16! They thought I was the meanest mom in the world, but thanked me later.
I encourage you to listen to Pastor Hilton's sermon.
Pam Archer
Women's Ministry Director